Again

The day retracts. The house darkens as I turn my thoughts to the lovers I've left behind. Ripping hair from my legs I tell her that torrid is the only relationship type I have, make jokes about recognising arseholes by their sex appeal. He tells me not to block love, that it can come at any time.

I run a stick around the edge of my defences. You mistake it for the beating of my heart.

That morning, as you sauntered off down the street to catch the tram, did you know it would be our last time? I crushed roses from the doctors surgery and watched you, silently saying goodbye to the cafe where you'd fetch me morning lattes. We pretend it doesn't mean a thing, insist on getting off our faces before we go home and slip insults between the sheets when the sex begins to resemble intimacy. I wake at 3am to find your tongue hanging out as you rack up lines to serve up to pretty south side girls and huddle on the couch with bed hair, cursing my waistline, telling myself I'm too old for this shit.

And I am.

You sucked the potential until the opportunities dried up and washed up in my bed like two week old dishes, still stinking of meals once enjoyed. When you rejected my calls I bought Leonard Cohens new book and sent you the relevant page numbers.

I return to the city again this weekend. I presume you did not understand.

serenity in smoke.

The city turned yellow before I landed. The softness suits this time. Fingertips tar stained, huddled in aircon, everyone is considering quitting ciggerettes. The drought breathes heavy here, panting like salivating lovers, blowing wind into our crotches and salt onto our lips.

My phone rings at 5am, private numbers invading my sleep. Last night my dreams were located in the rubbish dumps of my childhood, lecturers I've never met insisting I sit for my honours degree. I've become so addicted to salaried nipple that weans me off my youth. Sitting in park swapping love on the dole stories with gentle eyed boys in mid twenties crisis. Staring at clouds in slow motion, making my peace with the city again.