a calm fear of embrace

I am anxious in my vunerability. I oscillate between the ebb and the flow. Cool comfort seems elluding. My pattern burned deep in my cortex. I am repetitions of repetitions of repetitions.

I am longing to open my heart and pour out milk and honey. To smother yr lips with sweet wine. I am fearful in my longing. I am hesitant in my embrace.

Am I learning too quickly? Am I deluding myself?

My cards fall where they will. I tell myself stories littered with riddles and fears. Smatterings of truth filter through.

if it is my own transformation I am witnessing,
then why do I so desperatley want to share?